My heart aches.

This happened on the Sunday that Seth came back home...

It was about mid-day. I had to use the restroom and I thought about bringing my cellphone in the restroom because we text each other sometimes if we're in there for #2. -.- So I grabbed my cellphone and went to the bathroom. When I got there I saw his phone sitting on the magazines. So I obviously couldn't text him. I thought I'd check his phone and see if he got all the pictures I took and sent to him while he was away...

...And to my surprise in his text message inbox I find these odd looking texts. These texts aren't from a phone.. They showed up as numbers as the subject.. And when I opened them up they were actually instant messages. These messages were from a girl. A girl that apparently has some feelings towards him. :\ The things she said to him make me cringe. My heart dropped and I started to hyperventilate. I read all of the messages, from what I could remember... There were four messages. I finished what I was doing and immediately went to him in the kitchen where he was cooking a late lunch\dinner for him and I. I asked him as calmly and collected as I could. The look on his face made me cry. I couldn't hold myself together. I fell apart. I felt like everything was a lie. My heart was crushed and all I can feel was emptiness. I didn't know what to think of it... Of him. Of the situtation.

Was I asking for it for looking through his phone?
Did I drive him to do that?
Am I not good enough for him?

All kinds of questions rushed through my head... I didn't know what to do other than to cry. Everything made no sense, I was coming undone the more I thought about it. He was standing infront of me, he wanted to console me, but I stepped away because I was hurt. I was hurt bad.

From that moment on, till now... My heart still aches. To think about him talking to another girl... And that girl talking to him as if she was his... My heart is no longer empty, it's filled with rage and anger. He's my man. I love him, I care about him, I asked him to marry me. He's mine.

All the effort I put into the relationship was not going to go to waste over some bitch that thinks she can get away with my man. Fuck no. The whole week he was gone for Hawaii, I tried soo hard to not lose my mind, and I think I did amazing. I wasn't in the best shape but I didn't lose my mind. I did what I could to distract myself and cope with the feeling of being alone... All that effort was not going to wasted... It was worth that much pain if I want us to work.

I told him, I was deeply hurt. We talked it out, and I don't hold it against him, but it did some permanent damage on me. No lie. From this day on... It hurts.. Still feels like that night... But I'm willing to push it aside and make the best of what I have because he tells me he loves me, I know he does. I feel it. I trust it. I trust him. I love him.

None of it would be worth it if I don't follow my heart.
I will marry this man some day.

♥