Life is good...

When I feel like things are in my reach... -.-

~♥

Someone I once knew.

She wasn't born anorexic, but nowadays she suffers,
staring at these half-naked stars on magazine covers.
feeling pressured by the public.
She only weighs 90 pounds but still sucks in her stomach.
On the inside she's dieing, lying to herself, thinking:
- 5 more pounds won't jeopardize my health.
One day she might just collapse, she can't avoid it.
Too many sleepless nights spent bent over a toilet.
Spewing vomit, like she was an alcoholic.
Praying to a God she never believed in to stop it.
Hasn't eaten in weeks, drinks water by the heaps.
Now she looks like the skeleton she sees in her closet.
So close to death she can taste it, body looks wasted.
Hates life, hates you, hates the way she looks naked.
Now she's feeling drowsy, lousy,
thinking maybe this world's better off without me

I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.
I'm so sorry for all that I've done,
I'm so sorry for what I've become.
I'm so sorry, so sorry for wasting your time,
I can't hold you back 'cuz I'm losing my mind.

I'm so sorry...

Overwhelmed.

I'm plagued with overwhelming thoughts...

Many of which consist of years of conflicting emotions about myself... :\

I'm insecure.

I'm frustrated.

I'm angry.

I'm sad.

I'm depressed.

I'm glad.

I'm grateful.

I'm selfish.

I'm mean.

I'm crazy.

I'm annoyed.

I'm satisfied.

I'm doubtful.

I'm uncomfortable.

I'm undoubtedly overwhelmed. :(

Every day there are these emotions and many more that rush through me but yet... I still have a stupid smile on my face. I'm pissed at myself for letting it become a habit.

On another note. I've always had this issue... Well more so in the past six years... I despise the way I look. I'm not pretty enough, I'm not thin enough, I'm not tall enough, I have no boobs, I have no ass, I'm incapable of performing for my boy friend, I'm don't feel sexually attractive and I feel like I'm trapped in a prepubescent girl's body... This list can go on, but my mind is in a rut. :\

I pull at my skin... Hoping that it'll change... Hoping it'll be different... Hoping something good will happen to me... Waiting for a miracle that'll never happen.

Yet another upset...

He meowed at me.

I want to ask him soo bad.. But I know it'll just end up bad... :*(

It scarred me.

I can't help but to think about whether or not he's talking to another girl... I'm terrified.

My heart aches... :(