Merry Christmas :)

Yay! Merry Christmas everyone! :)

I'm up early because I'm making a pasty to bring over to Seth's house later tonight for dinner. :) This will be our first Christmas together. Last year I didn't get to spend it with him... I was only dating him for about 6 months then. But now that we've been together for 1½ years, my mom is letting me spend some time with him :D I'm super excited about today! I love this time of the year, and I love seeing my family. HEHEHE!!!!

M-E-R-R-Y -- C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S-!

Christmas ALREADY!?

Man, this year went by soo fast. I remember when it was just summer.. And now it's already then end of the year! Then my birthday is coming up afterwards in January... Ugh, I'm going to be 23!! AHH!! >.

In other news... Things are well.

Things are great with Seth and I.

Just three more days till Christmas!!

~♥

There's this ache in my heart...

That I'm not sure will go away. I can't stop thinking about how much it hurt when I read that message. :( I'm still really hurting from that. Everytime it crosses my mind... I just want to kill myself. It upsets me a lot, I may not show it... But I'm on the edge right now.

You touch the deepest part of me
The places I could not save
Just tell me why I'm so dark inside

~♥

I woke up crying...

Well.. Almost.. I woke up this morning and went to use Seth's computer because I couldn't sleep any more.. And when I turned on the screen I noticed an instant message from that girl he talked to when him and I had a really bad argument when he was in Hawaii. The things she said in that message immediately made me cringe. I was upset, I was pissed off, I was trembling. I asked him if he was still talking to her and why was she saying those things. My immediate emotion and reaction was to cut myself. I never feel that way, or it's been years since I wanted to react that way almost immediately when I felt sad. It triggered something deep down inside, I couldn't control myself... :( Seeing the way she talked to him made me wonder what he said to her to make her respond back that way... And when I asked him what he said to her, he just replied I don't remember... It bothers me a lot. I know he remembers.. I'm sure he's not going to tell me. Things like this make me really upset and hard for me to trust people... It hurts to think about it... :( I'm hurting inside. :*( He doesn't understand that pain, that pain that I have experienced before and once again.

I should have seen those signs all around me
But I was comfortable inside these wounds
So go ahead and take another piece of me, now
While we all bow down to you

~♥

What if...

He said yes... I wonder how things would be different.. Or would they be?

Yeah.. Everyday.. I wonder when he'll ask me. *sighs* Stupid I know... I'm just being ioehrfokshnelkgn....

Well, things are great. No fights or anything.. Just us getting along and being together. I've actually seen him about 3 weeks straight. It saves my sanity. He is my sanity.

I love him. *sighs again*
He's so good to me. :)

What would I do if I didn't have you?

~♥