Hawai'i 2010

Hawai'i was even more amazing in person :D

I had a wonderful trip =^.^= I plan to go back there again.

A Little Depressed... But I'm Pushing Forward

I've been having a few health issues lately and it's been bringing me down..

Usually when something is wrong, I tend fall back into other bad habits that promote unhealthy choices... Hence my eating disorder... Which then makes me more depressed.

I just hope this issue resolves itself...  :*(

I'm hoping and doing all that I can to make it go away while trying to keep everything together..

♥

*giggles*

You know what's funny to me?...

I cry because I'm pathetic... I cry about everything... Like...

~How I upset my boyfriend and that I fail at being a girl friend. 

~I cry because I can't fix things physically and some how it feels like it'll go away for just a little while longer until I cry again..

~I cry because I think about the time my boy friend resorted talking to another woman when he and I had problems... And I feel like he'll do it again.. Because I'm a piece of shit. (who wouldn't? it's okay, I've been cheated on... now I know why.)

~I cry because I'm the reason there's always a problem.

~I cry because I'm the reason there's no more romance.

~I cry because I'm weak.

~I cry because I'm an ugly piece of shit.

~I cry because I can't seen to do anything right.

~I cry because he probably thinks about other women.

~I cry because I'm not pretty.

~I cry because I will never be good enough.

~I cry because I can't just suck it up.

~I cry because I have nothing going for me.

~I cry because I can't make any situation any better.. Only worse.

~I cry because there's nothing else I find myself better at doing. :*(

♥

Oh How Beautiful You Feel When Your World Burns In Hell...

I feel like shit.
I haven't been sleeping much and I don't want to sleep when I am tired.
I've fallen back into my eating disorder and I have no control.
There's enough on my mind to tip the scale alone.

I'm depressed again. But not that kind of depressed. The kind of depressed where you don't know what to do... So you think and wait... And do nothing.

Is this the path I'm going again..?

♥

Two Year Anniversary!

Today is my two year anniversary with Seth :)

I've never been soo happy with someone. He's always there for me. He loves me to death and I love him with all my heart. I see myself being with him forever. He's the one that keeps me on my feet and helps back up when I fall into my depression. I never want to be without him. He's my world. ♥

I love him soo much.
I couldn't be any happier.
I never thought I'd find someone like him.


♥

HELLO KITTY & TOKIDOKI OVERLOAD

It's exactly what happened. I bought a lot of Tokidoki Hello Kitty stuff... I couldn't help myself.. I think I spent about $500 in the past month on that... >.< OIY!! I need to stop... But they keep coming out with more and more cute stuff!! EEEEEEPPPPPPPPP!!!... At least it's something I love.. Right? ;D

♥

I Secretly Hate Myself.

I hate that every time I look in the mirror... I am disgusted with what I see. I nitpick at everything on my body...

Lets start from head down to my toes...

1.) My hair is thin and not long enough.
2.) I have huge dark spots under my eyes.
3.) I break out and I pick at them which causes my skin to scar.
4.) I wish my collar bones protruded more.
5.) My breasts are too small... 
6.) Not enough chest bones show.
7.) Ribs are not as pronounced as they were when I was 10lbs lighter.
8.) I have turkey arms.
9.) My hands are always dry and ugly.
10.) My finger nails are short, stubby and house coffee grinds underneath them.
11.) I have fat on my stomach.
12.) There's a pouch of fat around my side-back area... (weird.. I know)
13.) My back bones don't show as much as the curve at the base of my neck.
14.) My hipbones don't show enough.
15.) My thighs are HUGE.
16.) I have bruises all over my legs.
17.) My calves are pretty big too and lack muscle definition.
18.) My ankles are weak from spraining them when I was younger.
19.) My feet are small and don't get me any where.
20.) My pinky-toe nails is almost nonexistent.

I can keep going, but I just thought I'd highlight the things that almost always bother me when I look at myself naked.

*sighs* This war will never end.... -.-"

♥