Lazy. I feel like doing nothing... Really.
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Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
That Awful Feeling...
I feel down. Really down... I don't know what to do when I feel like this. The thoughts that run through my head are irrational and unrealistic. I hate myself when I feel this way. :(
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Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Planning Stuff...
So I've been buying some clothes... And a few other random things... I bought a couple of dresses on Ebay for the summer time and for my Hawaii trip :) I'm trying soo hard not to spend money but it's hard not to... I mean I rarely shop any more but when I do.. I can buy some expensive things... And in the end it's almost equivalent to me going to the mall every weekend. -.- (Yikes!)
Here are the two dresses I just purchased :D I can't wait to get them!
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Here are the two dresses I just purchased :D I can't wait to get them!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Is it wrong to enjoy pain?
I obviously cause pain to myself... And it makes me feel good...
I'm still really struggling with my eating disorder and when I'm feeling stressed it's the first thing to really show. I've been hovering around 100lbs lately and I dipped to 98/97ish last week. I'm out of control... I know. :\ I don't know how to get a hold of it... I've been better about it but that's only when I'm around Seth. I only really eat full meals when I'm with him and I nibble on stuff around my parents... :\ I know, I know, it's not good. At most I'll have two real meals a day which only happen on the weekend. So all together, I would eat approximately 4 full meals during a week. :( I eat nothing at work, I just survive on coffee and tea.
I don't know what I'm striving for... I'm doing this because.... I'm not sure. I'm not sure if it's because I feel ugly, fat or just stress. I really don't know any more. I know I'm thin, my bones stick out everywhere. When I sit down, I literally sit on my ass bones... That's what I feel when I sit... And my chest is even smaller now.. I was barely an A-cup and now I'm less than that... That's really embarrassing. (not that I ever had a chest to begin with) :*(
It could be worse if I added running back into my life... I'm too weak to run... Thank god..
I'm lost inside. I ache for an answer to these problem... Yet my answer is in my hands.
♥
I'm still really struggling with my eating disorder and when I'm feeling stressed it's the first thing to really show. I've been hovering around 100lbs lately and I dipped to 98/97ish last week. I'm out of control... I know. :\ I don't know how to get a hold of it... I've been better about it but that's only when I'm around Seth. I only really eat full meals when I'm with him and I nibble on stuff around my parents... :\ I know, I know, it's not good. At most I'll have two real meals a day which only happen on the weekend. So all together, I would eat approximately 4 full meals during a week. :( I eat nothing at work, I just survive on coffee and tea.
I don't know what I'm striving for... I'm doing this because.... I'm not sure. I'm not sure if it's because I feel ugly, fat or just stress. I really don't know any more. I know I'm thin, my bones stick out everywhere. When I sit down, I literally sit on my ass bones... That's what I feel when I sit... And my chest is even smaller now.. I was barely an A-cup and now I'm less than that... That's really embarrassing. (not that I ever had a chest to begin with) :*(
It could be worse if I added running back into my life... I'm too weak to run... Thank god..
I'm lost inside. I ache for an answer to these problem... Yet my answer is in my hands.
♥
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
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