I'm such a good person...

I think... I hope. o.O

I swear.. If I wasn't raised to be honest, loyal, trustworthy, nice and genuinely a good person... I think I'd be such an asshole. Why am I bringing this up? It just crossed my mind that I bend over backwards for my boss. She's an amazing person and has helped me through a lot. And I'm pretty much returning her the favor by staying at work for an extra hour or two after I'm supposed to be off... Or coming in on other days I don't work just to help her do some side projects... Why am I a good person? *sighs*

I hope something really good comes my way soon.

~♥

This is what I look forward to everyday...

Getting off of work!!! >.<

I swear I look at that clock and just hope for it to skip an hour... That has gotten worse. Like a lot worse. -.-

I would love something sweet right now.

~♥

Mmm?

Raspberry~lemon flavored iced tea

YUM.

~♥

This is what my Friday looks like.

Don't ask. I got off work at 11am and this is what I do with my spare time :)

Happy Friday!!! ~♥

Hello Wednesday

Worked today. It's really busy at this store. I like it. The time flies by soo fast :) I love work, Milette makes it's rediculously fun and tolerable. I've got it good, for the work situation at least.

In other news, I've been so stressed out that I didn't even realize I lost another 5lbs. I'm down to 100lbs. I'm not even trying to lose weight, if anything, I thought I was gaining weight :\ Oh well, it'll probably be gained back soon. Bleh.

I'm exhausted. My back has been killing me since last friday... I think I pulled something :\

RAWR.

~♥

Sweet November Ashes

At the end of every year, there's this feeling that lingers... A feeling of disappointment or even emptiness. These feelings have been conjuring up since January, and it's not the first time. It's every year. At this time. This exact time.

I ask myself why? It's because I wasted another year. I did absolutely nothing that could possibly benefit my future. *shrugs*

I'm just blabbing. Anyways, I find myself in a predicament. When am I not in a predicament? Need I say more. I don't know what to do with myself this coming year. I want to advance in the company, but I'm almost afraid to... I mentioned it to my manager... But I think the thought of me actually becoming successful is a little overwhelming.. So new opportunities, I tend to shy away from.. :\ Lame but it's true, I'm scared. That's sounds aweful coming from me, but it's the truth. I also want to go back to school, but go back to school for what? I don't know what I want to study and learn.. :\

These thoughts are never going to become something I'm going to actually act on. This sucks..

~♥

All eyes on me...

The idiot.

I feel like an idiot, moron, jackass, dumbass, lame, a loser... Etc..

It's been bothering me since. And I don't think it'll go away... I don't even think it'll go away when he asks me. It's almost like I want to say no to him if he ever asks me.. So I can make him feel like the way I did. :\ It's stupid and irrational but it's how I feel right now. I'm disappointed and sad. I'm depressed about it.

To make things worse... On Halloween, Seth and I went to his good friend's place to hangout and have dinner. His friend Andrea asked us if Seth and I ever thought about marriage. I wanted to say everything but yet everything in my head just disappointed me. I told them that I asked him and had a whole plan of having the ceremony in Hawaii... Andrea was in awe. I don't think Seth ever wants to hear about those things.. :\ I get these feelings when I think about it.. And I'm sure they are dead on. Then they asked if we were going to have kids or whatever... The whole package that comes along with those types of questions... :\

So last night I had a breakdown... I don't know what I was thinking.. Maybe it was just too much for me when they asked about Seth and I... I want to forget about that day I asked him. :(

I HATE MYSELF for that.
I do.

And this morning... When he was getting ready to leave and making his coffee... I hugged him and whispered to him,"Happy 17 months." He hessitated just a couple of seconds and then processed that it was our anniversary. Hense.. Why I had been asking if he wanted to take the time off since he had been having a long week.. And I thought he might like to take today off and spend it with me.. But that didn't register till this morning. So too late for me. :( Once again, I feel like a jackass.

Shoot me.

~♥