Merry Christmas Eve!

Can't believe this year is almost over. Soo much happened, the good and the bad... But I can't complain because  it's been a great year. I can't wait to start next year and I am so grateful for all the things that happened in this one. :D

Loving life, my family and my boy friend :3

The place is coming together.

So today is the day I'm going to get a couch... A couch from my boss! She offered it to me for $100 and I'm not turning it down. :P Plus she offered it to me before I even moved... And now she's changing her mind... But I'm not going to let that happen! I keep telling her that it's going to be mine!! x.x

Now, lets hope it doesn't rain!

UPDATE---- 10:28am
She just texted me... And she said she's not sure.. UGH. Annoyed.

Apartment bliss

I'm officially out of the nest as of two weeks ago! Woohoo! :D

The boy friend and I found a great place out in Walnut Creek. Still so excited and happy about it. Everything has been going well, just trying to get the place looking like a home. Furniture is slowly trickling in and we're finally getting mail in our mailbox! xD

I'm content. Things are going well. I can't wait to have Christmas here with my boy friend :)

MOVED!

I moved to my new place with the boy friend :D and i love it!!

Goodbye Summer

It's been a good deal of time since I last posted something...

The most dominant idea being tossed around in my head right now is about moving out. Seth and I have been discussing this for a little while now because of the horrible situation he is in at home. After going on vacation with him and being with him more, I find he's starting to stand his ground. I'm glad for him, he needs to step away from that awful dilemma at home.

We've been looking at apartments and housing. It's not something too far off of what he's doing now, it's just a matter of getting this whole process moving along. I hate to see this go on till Christmas. The longer it goes on for, the worse off everyone is. I'm really fighting for him and his freedom from his family's issues for good.

I know he's serious with me when he and I were looking at homes. I suggested at least two to three bedrooms and he replied back, "you know... In the future, when we have kids." I know that he's committed to me, I know I'm what he wants and is fighting for.. And this feeling is the most comforting feeling in the world. It makes me want to do anything and everything. He's my rock, he keeps me sane.

I'm really hoping this change happens soon, soon as in before the year ends. It'll be a great way to start 2011.

♥

Hawai'i 2010

Hawai'i was even more amazing in person :D

I had a wonderful trip =^.^= I plan to go back there again.

A Little Depressed... But I'm Pushing Forward

I've been having a few health issues lately and it's been bringing me down..

Usually when something is wrong, I tend fall back into other bad habits that promote unhealthy choices... Hence my eating disorder... Which then makes me more depressed.

I just hope this issue resolves itself...  :*(

I'm hoping and doing all that I can to make it go away while trying to keep everything together..

♥

*giggles*

You know what's funny to me?...

I cry because I'm pathetic... I cry about everything... Like...

~How I upset my boyfriend and that I fail at being a girl friend. 

~I cry because I can't fix things physically and some how it feels like it'll go away for just a little while longer until I cry again..

~I cry because I think about the time my boy friend resorted talking to another woman when he and I had problems... And I feel like he'll do it again.. Because I'm a piece of shit. (who wouldn't? it's okay, I've been cheated on... now I know why.)

~I cry because I'm the reason there's always a problem.

~I cry because I'm the reason there's no more romance.

~I cry because I'm weak.

~I cry because I'm an ugly piece of shit.

~I cry because I can't seen to do anything right.

~I cry because he probably thinks about other women.

~I cry because I'm not pretty.

~I cry because I will never be good enough.

~I cry because I can't just suck it up.

~I cry because I have nothing going for me.

~I cry because I can't make any situation any better.. Only worse.

~I cry because there's nothing else I find myself better at doing. :*(

♥

Oh How Beautiful You Feel When Your World Burns In Hell...

I feel like shit.
I haven't been sleeping much and I don't want to sleep when I am tired.
I've fallen back into my eating disorder and I have no control.
There's enough on my mind to tip the scale alone.

I'm depressed again. But not that kind of depressed. The kind of depressed where you don't know what to do... So you think and wait... And do nothing.

Is this the path I'm going again..?

♥

Two Year Anniversary!

Today is my two year anniversary with Seth :)

I've never been soo happy with someone. He's always there for me. He loves me to death and I love him with all my heart. I see myself being with him forever. He's the one that keeps me on my feet and helps back up when I fall into my depression. I never want to be without him. He's my world. ♥

I love him soo much.
I couldn't be any happier.
I never thought I'd find someone like him.


♥

HELLO KITTY & TOKIDOKI OVERLOAD

It's exactly what happened. I bought a lot of Tokidoki Hello Kitty stuff... I couldn't help myself.. I think I spent about $500 in the past month on that... >.< OIY!! I need to stop... But they keep coming out with more and more cute stuff!! EEEEEEPPPPPPPPP!!!... At least it's something I love.. Right? ;D

♥

I Secretly Hate Myself.

I hate that every time I look in the mirror... I am disgusted with what I see. I nitpick at everything on my body...

Lets start from head down to my toes...

1.) My hair is thin and not long enough.
2.) I have huge dark spots under my eyes.
3.) I break out and I pick at them which causes my skin to scar.
4.) I wish my collar bones protruded more.
5.) My breasts are too small... 
6.) Not enough chest bones show.
7.) Ribs are not as pronounced as they were when I was 10lbs lighter.
8.) I have turkey arms.
9.) My hands are always dry and ugly.
10.) My finger nails are short, stubby and house coffee grinds underneath them.
11.) I have fat on my stomach.
12.) There's a pouch of fat around my side-back area... (weird.. I know)
13.) My back bones don't show as much as the curve at the base of my neck.
14.) My hipbones don't show enough.
15.) My thighs are HUGE.
16.) I have bruises all over my legs.
17.) My calves are pretty big too and lack muscle definition.
18.) My ankles are weak from spraining them when I was younger.
19.) My feet are small and don't get me any where.
20.) My pinky-toe nails is almost nonexistent.

I can keep going, but I just thought I'd highlight the things that almost always bother me when I look at myself naked.

*sighs* This war will never end.... -.-"

♥

Busy Bee

I've been good lately. I've been keeping myself really busy with stuff around the house since I only work Monday through Thursday 5am-11am... I have tons of time to myself and I've been managing it pretty good.

Today, I've been cleaning since I got home. Still not quite done! >.<

I'll update in a little while.

♥

I Was Productive After Work For Once!!

Seriously... I washed my car again! Yay, I've been dying to actually... It's just we've been having some funky weather and it keeps raining whenever I actually feel like getting my lazy ass up to wash it. :P It's been exactly a month.. And since then there have been some nasty weather conditions that made my car look awful... I feel almost embarrassed when I drive a dirty car... Do you? o.O

Well I'm pooped. I hope I can sleep good later... *yawns*


♥

Mirrors Lie

When I look at myself in the mirror, I'm not sure what to believe... Do I believe what I see or what the mirror is showing me? It's hard to tell if what I see is an illusion that my eating disorder is creating or if it's the truth. :(

♥

Good Morning :)

I get to wake up to the most wonderful man in the world.

He made me an espresso in the cutest little espresso cup set and told me he loves me.

He's the best.

I love him soo much :D

♥

What A Nice Day :)

I'm off Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. I love it. Today is a really nice day, it's about 70º out. :) I thought about washing my car but I think I'll hold off for just a little bit longer... It's barely been a month.. Just bugs the hell out of me to see dirt on my awesome Aqua car ;D Haha.

Going to my second cousins birthday party tomorrow in San Francisco and then afterwards I'm going to dinner for my mom's side of the family as a Mother's Day dinner. And Sunday is still unclear about what's going on... Mom hasn't decided what she wants to do for dinner. Hmm... I bet everywhere is going to be packed... Sucks, didn't make any reservations before hand.. :\

*stretches* Just came back from lunch with dad, treated him out to some awesome sushi for a late Fathers Day thingy... I'm going to enjoy the rest of the day, going to hangout with dad for a little bit more and then see Seth :D

♥

Hmm....

I seem to be hovering around 100lbs.. I guess that's okay.. I wish I was lighter... But my boyfriend keeps an eye on me... o.O (out of love of course)


♥

I've been spending.... AGAIN!

I think someone needs to take all of my money away from me so i can't spend it... X.X

I'm not going broke or anything... I think I've been indulging a little bit :E

I just bought a couple of Tokidoki handbags:

I love it! I have the first one, just waiting on the second one to be shipped to my house in about a week!! ;D

♥

I Am Extremely...

Lazy. I feel like doing nothing... Really.

♥